No one, not even God himself knows what a man suffers on the inside

I've been trying to act out of character in hopes of feeling some things the way normal people describe them. Still I feel nothing. The spectrum of my emotions is so short I barely know how to put my thoughts into words, hence the absence.

I feel cold on the inside, like nothing can jar me out of this strange sleep paralysis.

I've been chasing carnal pleasures in hopes that maybe they can stir up something inside of me but all I see them leading to is a particularly characteristic and unattractive downward spiral.

Is it possible that I'll be this way for the rest of my life? I can't remember the last time I felt awe, or rapture, even sadness escapes me.

I've been chasing my own emotions.