Need to use this thing again

I've been listening to Rush a lot lately. Staying up/sleeping later than usual. Playing Final Fantasy XIII shamelessly. Eating Kashi GoLean! Crunch as part of my 2 meals a day. Going to the gym... how would you say? Less than frequently. and above all, not caring.

Granted, I've been feeling more motivated than before but I still feel like I am out of reach of being one of those "lucky" people.

Even when I'm happy, I'm sad. But I kind of like it, and I can't help it. Surely I'm not the only person who has ever felt this way.

"I almost wish we were butterflies and liv'd but three summer days--three such days with you I could fill with more delight than fifty common years could ever contain."

"I have two luxuries to brood over in my walks, your loveliness and the hour of my death; that I might have possession of them both in one moment."