Awful Words

I cried today about it. I stopped and tried to think about why I was crying. I realized that I'm not sad that I may have c----- , I'm sad because I don't really care whether or not I do. There is nothing I have to miss, too lose; the world would not stop if I disappeared. Many people would be sad, but they would all live - and all things would continue on, unchanged. After all, I disappeared once before, didn't I? Last night I died in my dream. Everything went black and my body was numb. For a second my brain played a trick on me, and I thought that I was actually dead. Then I woke, dissapointed to find that no mysteries of the universe would be revealed to me then - I had to wake up and brush my teeth.I'm so scared that this is something I can't recover from.

Shearwater - My Good Deed

Everyday while I wait for my bus in the lovely downtown of Pittsburgh, PA, I people watch. I observe the strangest, creepiest human beings on earth. I'm losing my faith in the world day by day. Also, I really want someone to take me to see this: (because it reminds me of Manhattan. )

I have this theory that you can never date people that you actually like; only the ones you learn to love. The people you like first, the ones you chase after, are the worst candidates for love. Also, I just want to stop feeling like I need to convince someone that I'm worth it - I already know that.

Have you ever missed a place like it was a person? It all depends on your state of loneliness. You see, when people remember a certain place, like a city, they usually associate these memories with other people. They remember what life was like where they once lived because of who they spent it with. Location becomes a byproduct of companionship, and not just location, but seasons, and even years of your life. In a case where no human companionship is present, the city becomes your company.

World.
Shoulders.
Overwhelmed.

REVENGE

I need to destroy someones life. My motive, however petty, is still warranted. I want to google "ways to kill someone", but I'm afraid the government might come knocking on my door tomorrow. Where is karma when you need it?

I touched a stranger on the bus today. I was surprised at how this small bit of human contact both thrilled and overwhelmed me. The feeling lingered with me even until I arrived home, and as a result of my human encounter and a day of mishaps, I wanted to cry; but didn't allow myself the luxury.

girl time. well deserved, much needed.

I know I said I'd forget you but,

I really miss the feel of your hands on my back.

Hot For

I have such a crush on my English teacher. Something about a man talking grammar really gets my blood going.

I'm so sick of Pittsburgh. The awful weather, the less than optimal companionship.Most of all, the migraines. At least three times a week I am confined to my bed with an ice pack and the entire DVD set of Planet Earth.

On a side note,
Cisco Adler, (white guy) is pretty hot despite the fact that he looks like he probably doesn't shower.

girls just want to have fun

I JUST REALIZED,

I'M
HAPPY
BEING
ALONE!

(& I don't like you anymore. Hello sweet, content solitude. Hello Liberation.)

"Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won't either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself that you tasted as many as you could."

The Painted Drum, Louise Erdich

I miss the trees in Gainesville.