I truly think the world is shit.
Human nature is cruel, love is a lie, we are all just waiting to expire.

Then this morning I was eating an orange.

It was a perfect orange.

and I started thinking that if something as simple and enjoyable as a ripe piece of fruit could exist then maybe there is hope for a happy life after all.

They also remind me of home; wherever that is.

Neil Young

Somewhere on a desert highway/She rides a Harley-Davidson /Her long blondebrown hair flyin' in the wind /She's been runnin' half her life /The chrome and steel she rides /Collidin' with the very air she breathes /The air she breathes. /You know it ain't easy /You got to hold on/ She was an unknown legend in her time /Now she's dressin' two kids /Lookin' for a magic kiss/ She gets the far-away look in her eyes.

I'd love to be an unknown legend. I'm searching for a heart of gold.

What mistakes look like

"It seemed like a good idea at the time"

This is what my epitaph will read.

Here is the pattern of my life:
I meet people. I charm them. I repel them.

Now I can't help disappearing inch by inch as each day passes. I am only pieces of myself, I wonder if anyone will notice. I know they can see my unraveling but politely ignore it. I cringe with thoughts of what they will say when I'm not around even though I pretend to be confident and self-assured.

Sometimes at a large gathering of acquaintances I become filled with panic at the thought of carrying a conversation. I used to be witty and fun. Now I am awkward. I am the elephant man. Literally everything I say and do is strange and annoying.

I wish I could reset.

I missed you so much today that I googled your name, just to feel closer to you I guess. You still don't return my calls, must have some new girl around.

Some days I wake up and think that I am all the things my mother said I was. I know we grow old and change but what if I don't like the person I'm becoming? I want to be the old me again.

I'm sick of being the muse. I want, just for once, to be wanted.Plain and simple.