I'm so sick of Pittsburgh. The awful weather, the less than optimal companionship.Most of all, the migraines. At least three times a week I am confined to my bed with an ice pack and the entire DVD set of Planet Earth.

On a side note,
Cisco Adler, (white guy) is pretty hot despite the fact that he looks like he probably doesn't shower.

girls just want to have fun

I JUST REALIZED,

I'M
HAPPY
BEING
ALONE!

(& I don't like you anymore. Hello sweet, content solitude. Hello Liberation.)

"Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won't either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself that you tasted as many as you could."

The Painted Drum, Louise Erdich

I miss the trees in Gainesville.

bedside manner

Everytime I go to the doctor I feel like they are going to have bad news for me. Today I was right.

I'm leaving on a jet plane. Airplane food is surely missed. King Crimson is the soundtrack of my trip. There is a girl wearing a shirt next to me that says "Success comes from within, not from without" - Ralph Waldo Emerson. She's mad because I made her move her feet so I could sit down. Boy George is playing.

It sounds morbid, but my first thought before entering an aircraft is the run-through of preparation for death. I share an unspoken comradery with my fellow passengers- I think of who would hold my hand in the event of a plummet. I picture my final thoughts; my regrets. I think about what I would have done differently. Then I find my seat and do the crossword puzzle in the airplane magazine as the plane prepares for takeoff.

I used to be so afraid of planes, but now I just view the chance of crashing as a comical (somewhat romantic) experience. I think my phobia was born out of a time when I was much more afraid of death. I used to think that not being afraid of death would be empowering; but I've since changed my outlook. It means I'm taking life for granted.

Daniel Johnston; (as in "the devil &...")

True love will find you in the end
You'll find out just who was your friend
Don’t be sad, I know you will,
But don’t give up until
True love finds you in the end.

This is a promise with a catch
Only if you're looking will it find you
‘Cause true love is searching too
But how can it recognize you
Unless you step out into the light?
But don’t give up until
True love finds you in the end.

I have decided, conclusively, that I would rather wear my heart on my sleeve and get it smashed to pieces a million times than be cautious. It might be a character flaw, but the worst that could happen is that I end up just as singular as I am now. (Which I don't mind). Anyway, this is my declaration: I am officially done feeling sorry for myself, I'm taking up a new "glass half full" approach, and I resolve to be the most honest, most human person I can possibly be.

It has been too long since I last painted:

I'm feeling very creative today; like maybe I can make my own luck.