Here is the pattern of my life:
I meet people. I charm them. I repel them.

Now I can't help disappearing inch by inch as each day passes. I am only pieces of myself, I wonder if anyone will notice. I know they can see my unraveling but politely ignore it. I cringe with thoughts of what they will say when I'm not around even though I pretend to be confident and self-assured.

Sometimes at a large gathering of acquaintances I become filled with panic at the thought of carrying a conversation. I used to be witty and fun. Now I am awkward. I am the elephant man. Literally everything I say and do is strange and annoying.

I wish I could reset.

I missed you so much today that I googled your name, just to feel closer to you I guess. You still don't return my calls, must have some new girl around.

Some days I wake up and think that I am all the things my mother said I was. I know we grow old and change but what if I don't like the person I'm becoming? I want to be the old me again.

I'm sick of being the muse. I want, just for once, to be wanted.Plain and simple.

Blue

I was born of longing. Born of sadness. Born with the notion that everything is only a shadow of something good. There is no earthly cure for me, all the pill can do is try to keep the ache at bay.

Either of you please marry me

Inception

Seeing certain movies is a deeply religious and intimate thing for me that I can only share with certain people. It moves me in such a way that I am crushed with the weight of it's brilliance. It changes me, it shatters me, and sometimes I can't bear to be seen with all of my pieces out of place, my limbs detached, my heart so swollen you can see it through my chest. It is better than chocolate, better than a rollercoaster or even sex, and if I look at my counterpart and feel even the slightest bit of self-conscious embarrassment at my disintegration then the entire experience will be ruined.