When I was younger my uncle taught me how to "swallow tears". You know when you feel like crying? and you can feel the emotion welling up inside of you? Close your eyes and swallow hard, he'd say. You can feel them moving from behind your eyelids to your belly. I've been swallowing tears my whole life. I've been swallowing tears so long I fear there is an entire ocean inside of me.

Nothing really belongs to you; it's all borrowed.

"Once there were brook trout in the streams in the mountains. You could see them standing in the amber current where the white edges of their fins wimpled softly in the flow. They smelled of moss in your hand. Polished and muscular and torsional. On their backs were vermiculate patterns that were maps of the world in its becoming. Maps and mazes. Of a thing which could not be put back. Not be made right again. In the deep glens where they lived all things were older than man and they hummed of mystery."

alone in this world

I truly think the world is shit.
Human nature is cruel, love is a lie, we are all just waiting to expire.

Then this morning I was eating an orange.

It was a perfect orange.

and I started thinking that if something as simple and enjoyable as a ripe piece of fruit could exist then maybe there is hope for a happy life after all.

They also remind me of home; wherever that is.

Neil Young

Somewhere on a desert highway/She rides a Harley-Davidson /Her long blondebrown hair flyin' in the wind /She's been runnin' half her life /The chrome and steel she rides /Collidin' with the very air she breathes /The air she breathes. /You know it ain't easy /You got to hold on/ She was an unknown legend in her time /Now she's dressin' two kids /Lookin' for a magic kiss/ She gets the far-away look in her eyes.

I'd love to be an unknown legend. I'm searching for a heart of gold.

What mistakes look like

"It seemed like a good idea at the time"

This is what my epitaph will read.