A Tawdry Affair

I wish I had more to say, but all I know right now is that I am not sure about anything. I can feel self-sabotage creeping in, and as cynical as I am, I want so badly to cling to someone (anyone) so I don't feel like I'm sinking alone. I'm being melodramatic, and paranoid. But I'm not sure what to do. I need to make decisions. Recently I started thinking about transience. How, scientifically, at 30 your body prepares for death. I know I'm still a century away from that inevitable decline, but I feel like time is running out for me to start feeling like I know what I want. I feel like somehow, I've passed my expiration date. As though even if I wanted to let someone in, I couldn't.