Sunday, March 27, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Everything seems to be cyclic, because I keep finding myself in the same situations as years past. Is this redundancy an error on my part? I think it must be.
Why do I keep wanting things I know I'll never have.
The universe tells me one thing for sure, some people are meant to be alone and I am one of those people. I will never truly be myself in a relationship, I will never be someones other half. I can never give myself completely to another person without punishing them for it later. I am forever difficult.
I'm afraid I'll be alone forever. Then a part of me feels weak and foolish for being afraid, and wills me to accept it gracefully.
Even if I am a bit wounded, I guess I wouldn't take it back. That is the sadist in me talking, always looking for ways to hurt myself.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Once I wanted to be the greatest
I think I'm not doing well at work. Somehow no matter how many things I accomplish, one set back makes me feel like I know nothing at all. On the one hand, I don't feel challenged and I know for sure that I'm not living up to my potential. On the other hand, I love my schedule and I've been enjoying living a life that isn't centered around my job.
I guess I've been skating by, going through the motions. When did I become okay with being sub-par? I used to want to be the best at everything. I lost that somewhere along the way. I feel second-rate. I could do more, be more. I should.
Sometimes I wish I just had a desk job.
I guess I've been skating by, going through the motions. When did I become okay with being sub-par? I used to want to be the best at everything. I lost that somewhere along the way. I feel second-rate. I could do more, be more. I should.
Sometimes I wish I just had a desk job.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
On my way out
Monday, March 7, 2011
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