I think I might be the perfect girl to fall in love with if you are actually in love with someone else. See, I'm just wonderful enough to temporarily win your affections, make you feel loved & wanted, and fill that little void of loneliness; but I'm also incredibly complicated enough to make you realize that you should stick to what you know. Go back to her.

You know what the weird part is? This has happened twice and I don't even mind. I feel like I'm doing some good service by being the temporary muse that I don't even care if in the end I end up the bystander. The world needs more happy couples I suppose, what the world does not need is more cynics.

This blog is not a true representation of me, I'm so busy that the only time I can write is when I'm overwhelmed with negativity. I will try to update it with the better parts of me more often, which I'm convinced will arrive with the Spring. As of right now, I still don't have those parts back, because I'm terribly annoyed with people today.

On a side note, I have a wonderful best friend. The best of the best. I thought randomly today how dreadful this life would be without her. & especially since I've been struggling, I think about how she makes things a little more bearable.

"We'd hoped vaguely to fall in love but hadn't worried much about it, because we'd thought we had all the time in the world. Love had seemed so final and so dull -- love was what ruined our parents. Love had delivered them to a life of mortgage payments and household repairs; to unglamorous jobs and the flourescent aisles of a supermarket at two in the afternoon.We'd hoped for love of a different kind, love that knew and forgave our human frailty but did not miniaturize our grander ideas of ourselves. It sounded possible. If we didn't rush or grab, if we didn't panic, a love both challenging and nurturing might appear. If the person was imaginable, then the person could exist."
-A HOME AT THE END OF THE WORLD, Micheal Cunningham